Saturday, May 29, 2010

Green Monsters, Fairy Tails and Popcorn

The other day a friend posted on face book asking if she should be embarrassed by the fact that she wanted to go to the new Shriek movie by herself...sans a child or grandchild.  Everyone agreed...she should go.  And I volunteered to accompany her.  After all...why be embarrassed by yourself when you can take a friend along. 
As I've gotten older,wiser or maybe it's indifference...but going places by myself is not an issue.  Sometimes I even prefer it.  Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy the company of others, but if there is something I want to do, to see, to experience and no one wants to go along...I'll just go alone.  Not an issue.  But there was a time when isolation, being a lone was more than just comfortable for me.  It was a way of  life.
The demons, those green monsters of life had taken over my existence and it was easier to numb everything, to hide from life rather than experience it.  I had buried myself into a dark hole that I had no desire to come out of. 
Sobriety had me climbing out of that dark hole step by step, learning to face the monsters without running from them.  At first I still did not feel comfortable in social settings or even crowded spaces.  Still found comfort alone and away from those that I felt did not understand me. 
Once I learned to love myself again, to actually find out who I was it became easier to mix into society again.  To the point that sometimes I just don't give a damn what others think.  Not sure if that's a great idea...but it has it's good points!
Anyway, the other day a friend and I ventured into the local movie theater to watch the new Shriek movie..we even went to the matinee....sans any children as decoys.  We were the only brave adults that didn't need the security of a child to see a animated movie.  We ordered our coffee, Perrier and yes popcorn.  Yep...popcorn with coffee.  It doesn't matter...you have to have popcorn in a movie. 
We got comfortable, settled in our seats and laughed our way through a great movie.  Best part...rolly-polly  Puss in Boots.  Well....actually he had a hard time fitting into those boots with weight gain.  But he made me laugh...a lot. 
It was a great afternoon, with a friend.  No embarrassment necessary.  It's just another valuable life message that this program has taught me.  Being comfortable with myself and most important, friendship.  :) 

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Realization

No matter how often you tell people something, unless they are receptive to the subject or it's about them most don't really comprehend what you are saying until it is staring them in the face.  And this move of mine is no exception. 
This move, as improbable as it might have seemed to most, was always something I was determined to do.  Especially if I could not find a job that did not fit all of my qualification.  And as the days past and the offers were not coming in...well...it was only a matter of time.  For my family, my parents, I don't think they really thought I would up and move over 1500 miles away...especially where it gets cold.  I guess they thought I would stay here no matter what.
My mother has even said I need to find my own life...I guess she just didn't think it would be in another state.  So today I think it hit her hard that I'm actually doing this.  And trust me...as much as I want to do this, there are parts of it that are darn hard to do.  Leaving my parents here in Florida is one of them.  They are of an age that having one of their children close is a good thing.  The problem being is that it was their choice to move to Florida, away from all of us when we were young and raising our families.  Southwest Florida can be a logistical nightmare when it comes to traveling via air or road.  I can't put my life on hold while they hold on to their illusion of independence.  It may sound cruel but it's reality. 
My mother even tried to use the 'how can you leave your support system and friends card.'  I don't  thing she wanted to hear that I would have a support system no matter where I ended up...the beauty of my program.  And friendship...well...one thing I'm learning is that friends encourage you to live your dreams and will be there for you no matter what the outcome.  At least I hope so...:)
When today started I had no idea I would be dealing with all this...today was for car maintenance and some travel shopping.  In between I took down the curtains in my parents bedroom and dining room...washed them and then re-hung them...don't ask...it's a long story.  But I did it because it made Mom happy and it was one more chore I could do. 
The day ended with a wonderful dinner with a friend...a very good friend, at CJ's at the Esplande at sunset.   A friend I'm going to miss sharing things with.  But I know she will always be there...no matter what.  And that is also another story.  Anyway...even though it was a realization on both of our parts...this wasn't really good bye as much as it was a quiet celebration of that friendship. 

Monday, May 24, 2010

One Week and Counting

Seven more days...truly I can't believe it's upon me so quickly.  Having mixed emotions.  Glad it's finally here but it is going to be hard to leave here with the intent to move permanently to Kansas City.  It sounds so final even though nothing is ever final.  I've been living each day as it comes and hope to continue with that thought in mind. 
So today was organize the clothes.  I've decided to ship the majority of my clothes via UPS so that they will be there before I get there...seemed to be the smarter thing to do.  This allows me to pack more in the car...which is getting pretty full as each day passes.  When I did this trip in Feb I found I took too much with me...I'm trying to play it smart this time.  I am taking things with me to make my life comfortable as I transition.  It may be a while before all my personal effects are with me again, so in the mean time I am taking the things that give me the most comfort. 
But back to the clothes...I have too many.  Seriously I can not believe I have so many and I haven't even checked the storage unit for the winter things that I need to get ready too.  I know...winter is quite a bit time away, but not knowing when I'm shipping everything I need to have them ready to ship to me if I find myself still not completely settled.  The key here has been organization and it truly amazes me I'm actually so organized.  But I've had all the time in the world to plan this and it seem to all be coming together. 
So...it's seven days and counting...and I'm ready to go...